Save Things by Killing Them - It's Just Crazy Enough to Work

Esteemed Members of the NSC,

Please join in our effort to save the less fortunate creatures of the earth. Those poor animals have no capacity for reason. They walk around this earth without a soul, and some without opposable thumbs. They need us. Some of those with which we share this earth have already reached the point of complete destruction. They've been wiped out, extinct. This doesn't have to happen. It doesn't have to be this way.

In order to help, you simply need to play along with the game described below. If you do, you could be saving a species.

The game is called Road Kill Rampage. The object of the game is to strike and kill animals on the roadway with your vehicle between 9/17/2008 and 10/17/2008. Here's how the game is scored:

For an opossum kill, receive 1 point
For a squirrel kill, receive 2 points
For a peacock kill, receive 3 points
For and ostrich kill, receive 5 points
For a woolly mammoth kill, receive 10 points
(Remember, Killing Birds of Prey and Drunk Lawn-mower Riders is illegal in some states. In states where this is allowed, the animals will be scored by gross weight, lawn tractors included.)

There are really no rules except that you must strike and kill the listed animals with your vehicle while travelling on a legitimate roadway. Send us photos of each kill so we can award your points.

Thanks to our sponsors, Crock, Inc., for donations allowing us to put together a prize package for the winner. The points leader as of midnight on 10/17/2008 will receive, among other things, a 10% off coupon to Dickie's Taxidermy in New Melle Missouri to assist in the preservation of one of the specimens.

If you are wondering why we would support such a cause please visit our sponsor. Crock, Inc. put this whole thing together for us. Believe it or not, it does serve a higher purpose than just simply being crazy.

It's Crazy to Me.....

.......that rocket-thrusters function in outer space. Isn't it a vacuum? What is being thrust against?

I know, I already thought of that.....I'm pretty sure it's not God's leg.

Call Me Crazy but......(#001)

I was just watching the movie "Transformers" and noticed something. These impossibly-massive metaphysically-advanced alien robot technology/lifeforms actually move their metal mouths when they speak (except BumbleBee, he speaks through the radio). Call me crazy but....something this advanced would not need to bother moving it's mouth to speak. Sound would just come out somewhere, or maybe it would communicate telepathically. Do you know what I mean? The movie was very realistic up until that point.

Is There Crazy on Other Planets?

I've often pondered the possibility that crazy is a universal phenomenon. I have shared my belief in extra-terrestrial craziness with friends and family many times, always with the same results. "You're crazy Ed", they say.

IN YOUR FACE non-believers!!! The mars probe has been collecting soil samples and analyzing them of late. Guess what it found? No, not direct evidence of crazy, but evidence that one could "grow asparagus pretty well". As you know, studies have shown that asparagus is closely linked to crazy and craziness. The fact that it could grow in martian soil is crazy enough. And what about it's piss-fouling characteristics? Crazy?

Don't believe me? Look.

Membership Drive Rescheduled Due to Wolves

.....and lack of publicity. As your Chairman, it was my responsibility to make sure the event was promoted properly. I failed. It didn't even make it on the NSC blog. This resulted in low turn-out.

Some people did show up. They were not particularly crazy. Actually, I termed them "Normals in Wolves Clothing". It's not an expression, they were actually Normals in Wolves clothing. Apparently they thought the costumes would make us think they were crazy and let them join. It didn't work losers!!!

Anyway, the Membership drive has been moved to this week, and next. Probably the rest of the year. Recruit those crazies!! Do it!

Nominate your friends. Send 'em the application.

Honorary Membership Awarded for Burrito Craziness

On Thursday, Janice "Boobs" Malone was presented an Honorary Membership in the NSC for demonstrating an extreme example of Applied Craziness in the workplace. Her inspiring story is detailed by our Platinum-level Supremely Awesome Sponsor, Crock, Inc. in a post on their corporate blog.

We congratulate Janice and welcome her to our ranks. We can all learn from her.

Janice enjoys cooking, knitting, and gluing things to other things. She says her ideal day would entail breakfast in bed at noon, an afternoon shopping spree, nine Margaritas, and no cats whatsoever. We know from her recent action that she is going to be a great asset to us.

Once Again, Welcome Janice.

Have You Positively Impacted Others With Craziness Today?

For many of us, today is the return to routine after a Holiday weekend. I say routine, which could be another way of saying "normal", but we know all too well that a day like this is far from normal. It's like Monday on steroids. How do you cope?

Here are a few things I have done today to beat the doldrums and show those around me that "Crazy doesn't take days off".

1) I rolled up to the office with the radio blaring Sinatra and did my best Ace Ventura parking job. A few cars sustained some minor damage. No biggee.

2) I cellophaned the toilet seat. That was not wise however. I forgot and wound up being the first to use it. But you can see how it might have brightened my day.

3) I started the warehouse on fire. Well, not actually the warehouse, just some old boxes and paint cans. Ha Ha. (BOOM!)

4) I chewed a whole pack of Hubba Bubba at once while talking on the phone.

5) I set a badger loose in the office and locked the doors. Don't worry, no rabies.

6) I wasted 10 minutes of my bosses time typing this.

What have you done today?

Messin' with the Normals

A few of us local St. Louis Crazies are planning to get together and make the trip to the headquarters of the Normals. We're going to T.P. the place. It'll be fun. I hear security is lax (portly).

It's less than a three hour drive, especially with one of our type at the wheel. We'll meet at the East Stadium Parking Garage, top level, at 7:00pm tonight. Depending on how many show up, we'll car pool as necessary. That will put us there around 10:00pm. Coincidentally, the Normal's bedtime. Obviously they will have long since gone home for the night. We just have to outrun that slightly overweight guard (although a little birdie told me he's one of us).

I'll stop by Wal-mart on the way and grab a few cases of cheap toilet paper. It'll be just like old times (last weekend). If nothing exciting happens, we'll call the cops on ourselves when we get the place about half way covered.

Crazies vs. Normals Annual Softball Game

This Year's annual softball competition against our arch-enemies will be held on June 7th at that place at the corner of those two streets. The game starts at 3:00pm. I need all the Crazies there by noon to get our game-plan together.

If you remember, last year we did not win. In fact, we got our asses handed to us. However, we had more fun and less injuries than the Normals. I have a vivid memory of Stella freaking out on that little third-basemen. He never saw it coming. I heard his ribs have healed and the mis-alignment of his nose is barely noticeable.

This year, I am confident we will beat them, even if we don't win.

Welcome New Crazies

Please join me in welcoming our newest members!!

Stella F. has been approved for membership. Stella is confident that we need her based on her baking ability, her love for pornography, and her knack for belittling people. In her spare time, she breeds and raises midgets. Welcome Stella!

Alejandro C. has also been approved for membership. Alejandro sometimes worries what people think of him but does nothing to change their perception. He prides himself on his vivid paranoia. He enjoys meat sculptures and has found many uses for peanut butter (some, we're told, are illegal in certain states). Welcome Alejandro!

Please note that the NSC does not sanction, condone, or otherwise encourage the behaviors exhibited by the individuals above, and we recommend peanut butter only for eating and removing gum from hair.

Application for Membership

The National Society of CRAZIES
Application for Membership


Name of Applicant:____________________________ Date:________________

Sex: □ M □ F □ Other Beverage of Choice:______________________

Why do you desire to become a member?____________________________________
________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

What contribution(s) do you believe you will bring to the group?________________
________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

What is the average number of your daily personal actions that you believe to be worthy of the “Crazy” label?________________

Describe the Crazy personal action that you think best qualifies you for membership:____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Which of the following best describes your drinking habits:
a) I over-consume less than half the time
b) I over-consume about half the time
c) I over-consume more than half the time
d) What’s over-consume?

Do you work with one person who is “insane”? □ Y □ N (they’re all insane)

What’s the difference between an orange?____________________________________

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